Get your fonts right, Mad Men.

“You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning and think...”
— The best thing I’ve...

What are “love tomatoes”? Perhaps I don’t...

Good Things Should Never End

Over Papa’s shoulder waits another Papa. Brooklyn...

Family Matters

Uncle Danny: Our next VP speaks in 30 minutes!
Me: That religious nut with the annoying voice? If she's our next VP, I'm moving to the moon.
Uncle Danny: Oh, calm down. You have to admit Rudy just told the truth.
Me: RUDY? Oh, BARF. Gotta go...watching Mad Men...love ya!

Palin Is An Annoying Nut

I don’t know where this came from and I don’t...

Mets v. Astros. Not doing so well. I always jinx them.

“The French writer Émile Deschamps claims in his memoires,...”
— Wikipedia page for...

Boy, 3, Puts Cat Into Microwave

“US Catholics pleased with pope, survey...

Last weekend I saw my first love for the first time in...

This is amazing. 

On 1st avenue and 8th street, or something like that. I have...

Oh my god. I just died from how sad that is, and then...

Better Than Either Orgasm or Religion

Queer passerby: Oh my god, you look amazing! I love that skirt!
Chick, to friend: Don't you love outfit validation from a gay man?!
(My third quote to make it to Overheard in New York)

Ingrom Petkirk

I am watching a documentary called I Am an Animal about the founder of PETA (a group who I have...

Jacob Edwards: my funny friend.

Jacob: I want a blueberry muffin. Or poppy seed.
Me: Not poppy seed. They get stuck in your teeth.
Jacob: That's true, but I have a dental plan now. So I'll just get them professionally clean after every muffin.

Listen

“Of course I wear a tie to work…I’m not a farmer.”
— Something my boss said when a...

My good friend Michael Eades sent me this and it basically...